By Lisa Ferrie On a Sunday evening, I am a whirlwind of emotions. The time with my family has flown by and I have to start to prepare mentally to leave them and return to the consumption of work the following day. My three year old asks inquisitively “are you going to mind me tomorrow Mummy?” and I almost break down in tears. By Monday evening, the harrowing loss that I felt on Sunday evening has lessened as by then, Friday seems so much closer and I can see that the children have survived the day without me. We cuddle on the sofa before bedtime, watching “In the night garden” as I whisper about how much we love them into their distracted ears. My husband and I have had the conversation many times about what we would do if money was no object. Some days I say that I would stay at home at the drop of a hat. On other days, I can see the benefits of working for my own mental stimulation, for society (I work in public service) and for my children as they are learning about work ethic and are also benefitting from socialising with other children. If I am truly honest however, I do think that in these early, precious years, my children would benefit from me being home more than three full days per week. Not to be anti-feminist, we have also discussed my husband staying at home but he doesn’t have the longing that I do to be a full time stay at home parent and I am much more achieved in the domestic duties and relish in all things related to cooking.
Looking internally, I have realised that I am a conservative person who, although I would like to think that I am a risk taker, is actually rather cautious. I always did the right thing in school and have continued to excel and please in work. I definitely struggle between my internal battle to do what’s done (go to work) and to do what I would like to do (stay at home and look after my little ones.) Then I realise that all of this is really a personal battle inside of my head and that we as a family should make the right choice for our family. But the fear of not providing for them adequately hits me and I wonder if they will lose out if we cannot afford to send them to private schools. I do not have the answer and I realise that I am incredibly fortunate to be able to have my three full days with them per week. I also love my job and am lucky to be working relatively close to home with some lovely colleagues. I hope that I don’t regret this time spent away from them when they are older and I hope that they will remember all of the things that we did do together. As a friend once said to me, “they are not comparing you to anyone else; you are the only mother that they have”.
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